Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
