i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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