just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
