I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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