Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
