We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
