The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
