The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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