Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
