Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
