"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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