you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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