you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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