i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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