At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
