If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
