there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Dear god my vagina.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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