how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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