We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
