My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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