I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
