Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
