Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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