he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
