It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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