have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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