so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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