Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
