It's like God shit irony all over that family
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
