I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
