I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
