Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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