the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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