Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
