so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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