you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
