You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
