I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
