idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
