Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
