So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
