i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
