he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize