I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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