Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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