i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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