I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Let's paint friendship bongs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
