Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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