they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Randomize
