I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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