he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize