It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
