That's intense
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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