i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
