the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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