Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
