After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
