never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
