I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
